LETTER TO 2010; A JOURNEY OF HAPPY DISAPPOINTMENTS.
I read an article that spoke of holding on to the past. It was a beautiful read, as I could relate to most of it. You can read the full article here.
The 2010 FIFA World Cup stuck with me, and this article had me reminiscing.
I’m a sucker for numbers. There’s this weird thing my mind has done since I was a child. I have a weird urge always to count the things I do, and I love numbers in 5s and 10s. So, if a number hangs anywhere away from that, it feels incomplete.
I make excuses for numbers my age, though, lol. Whenever I’m washing plates or clothes, I count them in 5s, 10s, or my age, then stop. I could also do it in batches – I wash 5 clothes that day, or I wash 5 clothes in different batches that day, or I just wash clothes about the number of my age.
The same goes for mopping – I clean 5 boxes at intervals. I’ll stop here because it’s a long, funny, and weird explanation of my affinity for numbers. I do this for every countable decision in my life.
This is why 2010 had me projecting the future of 2020 when I was much younger. And why it rang a bell now. Looking back now, I had big dreams and fancy imaginations.
I was in Senior secondary school, class one. If you had asked me then, I wanted to be a doctor. A dream cut short by my Biology result, the only subject I had D. It was painful, and I cried. I really wanted to be a doctor. I wrote that particular exam in senior secondary class two. My parents wanted me to take the exam and prepare for the actual one in Class 3. I passed. I passed all my subjects, except biology; Tears.
I was going to enter university in 2013, immediately after secondary school, which I did, by the way. The release of my Class 3 result would be too late to process my 2013 admission to the University of Ilorin. Though I wanted to be a doctor, I didn’t want to miss the admission by waiting for my class 3 result.
While filling out my JAMB form, a decision influenced by my father was the beginning of my adventure in engineering. For an African parent, Engineering is next for a science student after Medicine. Every other career part seems not to make sense. I do enjoy my father’s decision regarding my change of course. When I think of it now, it is a blessing in disguise because ain’t nobody got time for that!
It wouldn’t be me doing those long-ass readings for 7 years of my life. I enjoy calculations more and the practicality that comes with engineering. Not software, though; more of hands-on engineering. You know how they say some disappointments are blessings in disguise? This is my “blessing in disguise” story, lol.
As much as I hold on to the past, I am a big dreamer. I spend long hours fantasizing about what my future holds and things that could play out in the future. I mentioned earlier my younger self had big dreams and fancy imaginations. Well, I still do dream big and have fancy imaginations. It’s just gotten bigger now.
I won’t tell you what my big dreams and fancy imaginations are now (you’ll have to beg). Still, in 2010, I wanted to be a doctor and a model (I achieved this), I wanted to be popular, rich, and beautiful, own a farm, and write a book (I used to enjoy writing stories and drawing when I was younger), and so many other things I can’t remember. I was in too many places at once. I fantasized, and I was sure I would have achieved significantly by 2020. The year no one anticipated.
Now, I want more mature but still fancy things. I am more realistic because I have a better outlook on the future.
It’s 2021, and I haven’t achieved what my younger self projected. But I have lived, learned, gained experience, failed, become smarter, won, and grown. I wonder if she’s proud of what I have become, but most importantly, I hope she recognizes my struggles and understands my decisions, the logic, and the emotions behind them. I wonder what she thinks of my big dreams now, what she has to say about my fancy imagination. I wonder, I wonder.
Now, I’m more concerned about the woman I’ll be in 2030, not 2025. My big dreams say I will still be acquiring knowledge and implementing it, cementing the staircase to my big dreams and decorating them with my fancy imagination. I hope my 2030 self reflects on this day and is proud of the lady I became, recognizes its struggles, and appreciates the journey; the process it took.
I hope now that by then, I will become the woman of my dreams.
